Day 7

It just dawned on me that all of this might sound crazy to some of you. As a counter-argument, I would like to say that I never believed in any of those things either. The world doesn't need you to believe in order to exist.

I guess that is something I’ve come to appreciate in the last few years. It has given me comfort how some things just really don't seem to matter in the bigger picture. Mistakes that once seemed life-changing had no real consequences at all.

The biggest battles I had to fight were in my head. In that sense, I am really my own worst enemy. I love overthinking things. A traveler once gave me a riddle that took me days to decipher. When I finally told him the answer he told me that not only was I wrong but that a five-year-old boy had solved his riddle within minutes just the day before. Sometimes the simple answer is the right one.

Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and see what happens, that's what my boyfriend used to say. He always so cared free, sitting at the edge of the lake, water dripping down from his hair onto his chest.  And then he would just look at me and smile with the biggest brightest smile you'd ever seen. The world can be so perfect sometimes, but those moments never last long.

The secret place where we would meet was turned into a place of misery and despair. The lake was turned red with the blood of innocents. The years that followed were hard. The choices we had to make were weighing us down. I didn't want him to worry and that made him worry even more.

Boyd and I talked about this for hours the other day. I’d never even told him that I'd been in love on the other side, let alone that it was a man. He didn't really seem surprised though. There is this kind of unspoken trust. He is like a grandson to me.

Writing all of this down has been oddly therapeutic, even if I don't really know if it's healthy. I guess in the end that doesn't really matter, does it? It’s time for me to get some sleep and then tomorrow another post. Good night everybody and sweet dreams!

Day 6

We connected on a level that I didn’t think possible. We met during the war while taking shelter from a storm that was sweeping the country. He melted my ice cold heart and made me see that it is still good in the world. He was so full of joy and live, even if he was carrying demons of his own. He taught me that nothing in life is perfect, but that it’s possible to truly enjoy life regardless. I can't help but have a big stupid grin on my face as I'm writing this. Even after his death, he can still make me smile.

I often wonder about death, but I guess that comes with the age. I don't know what happens after we die and I'm not sure that really matters. Going to another world, disappearing from reality as I did, is probably not all that different from dying. So, I’ve died twice already and started a new life both times.

The other day Boyd asked me that if I had a chance to go back to the other world, would I take it?  I really had to sit down and think about that for a while. During the war, I wanted nothing else than a return to earth, but I never could. After the war, when peace and order were restored, it really wasn't a bad place to live. No more than earth anyway.

It has the same kind of contradictions, the unwritten rules that keep everything together. It’s a whole lot prettier though. But would I want to go back there? There is nobody waiting for me on the other side. Sophia has most likely moved on and all the others are either dead or forgotten. At least here I have Boyd to keep me company. I guess he is one of the reasons why I started writing down all of my thoughts.

The other day he asked me if I ever had to kill anyone. That question kinda scared me. I didn't want him to look at me differently, but I also knew I had to tell him the truth. During the war, I did unspeakable things. I was labeled a traitor and rightfully so. Of course, it was all under the guise of survival, but I have so much blood on my hands. Now I live in another world where nobody knows what I’ve done. Do my crimes still matter here? At least their cold eyes no longer keep me awake at night.

Speaking of dreams, those are yet another unsolved mystery. I vividly remember dreaming of earth back when I was on the other side. So perhaps dreams are a way of traveling between worlds so to speak. I don't have any dodgy science to back up that theory, but in the big scheme of things, it makes sense.

Day 5

In case you haven't figured it out, I will talk just about everything. Boyd calls me a 'keyboard warrior' and I don't think he’s wrong. I really can't stand the type of people who call each other names or insult each other on the internet. I just don't get the point.

You’d think that traveling two worlds would give me a bit more insight into the human psyche, but all I've learned is that humans are the most unpredictable beings in the universe. A great example of this was a man that I met on one of my journeys.

This man was terribly afraid of fire throughout his entire life. He wouldn't cook with fire, light a fire to protect him from the cold, no he would rather freeze and starve. When the war got worse, he decided to take his own life. He didn't drown himself or hang himself. No, he decided to burn himself, do the thing he was the most afraid of. This has puzzled me ever since. Why would he do that? Was he making a statement for those he left behind? It pains me that I have no way of answering this question.

It all comes down to the purpose of life. The biggest question in the universe. A question that thousands of people much smarter than me have written countless books about. From what I've gathered the biggest purpose of life is simply to love.

I have never felt more alive than the moments where I experienced love. When you care about someone so deeply that you put their life before your own. Getting a letter from your crush in high school, kissing your husband or wife, holding them in a tight embrace. Never have I felt more alive than when I opened up my heart to love. There have not been many people in my life that I can truly claim I've loved. There are my parents, my sister, Boyd of course, Sophia was another, but there used to be one more. A lover, a man, that I met in the other world.

Day 4

The other day it occurred to me that sometimes I forget about the family members I’ve lost. When I first crossed over to the other side, I thought I would run into them every single day. Over time that feeling slowly started to fade. At first, I thought they might simply be dead, but then later I realized there might be an infinite amount of these worlds. The odds of us ending up in the same one at any given time is quite unlikely.

I've theorized that there might be temporary breaches that open up portals between different worlds, though I have don’t have the faintest clue why this would happen. If this was a common occurrence then you’d think that we’d have heard about this a lot by now. People disappearing into thin air isn't very common in my experience. Or perhaps it was written about many times before, but those writings were redacted. I haven't really given it much thought before, but I might put myself at risk by writing this. Then again, what are they going to do? It's not like I have a lot of time left. I don't have anything to lose.

I guess this makes me sound like some sort of rebel, but that is really not my style. I’m not like Sophia, I'm not looking to start a revolution. All I ask from my readers is that they have an open mind. Otherwise, this will all be a waste of time.

I know I sound a bit negative at times, but my life hasn't been all bad. Exploring a new and unknown world has actually been quite exciting. I have seen things that you cannot even begin to imagine, traveled to places that frankly shouldn't be able to exist. My life has been lived to the fullest.

The fact that I can't be happy after everything I've seen is just another symptom of that larger disease, the fear of leaving things unfinished. I guess that feeling has always been there. It goes beyond being a perfectionist and becomes nothing short of an obsession. I can spend days at a task that should really only take a few hours. Yet I eventually always reach a point of apathy where I completely abandon what I’m working on. Isn't that weird?

Keeping that in mind, this blog certainly makes a lot of sense. To put it bluntly, this is my last chance to share any wisdom I think I might have. Even if all of it turns out to pure nonsense. So, this isn't just about me. If you guys have any questions, things you want me to talk about, I'd love to hear them.

Day 3

I realize that might sound like an old senile man. I know life isn't a Disney movie where everyone gets a happy ending. After all I've seen, all the suffering I've endured, I think the only thing, the most human thing we can possibly do, is to chase that happy ending anyway. If we stop believing, stop chasing our dreams, then we’ve stopped living. Instead, we become empty vessels, living from day to day, breaking our necks on the 9 to 5 wheel for paychecks and the weekend. An empty existence, devoid of meaning.

Looking back at everything I've just written, I think I might be the perfect candidate to starts my own cult or religion. I’ve certainly become very preachy. I guess if there is just one meaningful word, a sentence that will capture someone's attention then all of it will be worth it.

On another note, I have finally decided what I will call the blog that I intend to post this on: A Traveler's Journey. It might be a bit cliché, but it really captures what I am trying to do here.

There is a young boy who lives just down the street from me. He is the one who helped me set all of this up. I guess I'll also ask him to read this first and help me sort out all of these random thoughts that are running through my head. I'm sure he'll be able to turn it into something coherent.

The other day he talked to me about something. I’m not sure if he would want me to share it, but for the timing being I am the only one who can read this, so I think it'll be fine. He told me he had been with someone for the very first time. I was shocked he'd share this with me but remained silent because of something I saw in his eyes. He looked lost, scared. The experience had left him feeling violated in more ways than one. When I reached out to touch him, to try and comfort him, his entire body trembled.

Why do people do this to each other, I wondered. Why do they hurt each other without even thinking about it? Do some people not recognize the pain they inflict on others?

Back when I was a young boy myself, I encountered various men and women who terrorized those around them. They all seemed to take pleasure in what they did. My mother used to tell me that they were just insecure, hiding theirs owns fears. Now they are the CEO's of huge banking companies. They are my doctor, my dentist, and the homeless guy out there on the street. Did their choices have any consequences?

The universe never plays fair and it doesn't owe you anything. Of course, that wasn’t what I said to the frightened boy in front of me. I comforted him and told him the pain will fade eventually, but that it will always stay with him. We mustn't fight the pain, but be stronger despite it. We can only move forward if we allow it to be a part of us.

Day 2

Through the void, I entered another world, another dimension, that few have ever seen. There I started a new life, met new friends, and eventually even married. The memories of earth faded like a shadow and at some point, I wasn't even sure if the earth had ever existed at all. This was my life now.

For a brief moment I was happy, but then the war started and the pain returned. The intruders destroyed the very foundation on which my happiness was built. They were meddling with things that were beyond their understanding. Such a human thing to do, don’t you think? The first scouts were kind and curious, but the soldiers followed soon after. The sun bathed in blood and I was exiled to the place where I was born, sent back to earth.

Now I sit here, every day, staring into nothingness. I have become nothing but window dressing in a world that has long forgotten about me. I have nobody left to talk to, except you guys, of course. I guess that is why I am doing this. I don't want to leave without a trace. Disappear from everyone's memories and die alone. I want to be remembered, to leave something behind.

There was a woman back in my world. She had long beautiful hair and bright blue eyes that were ready to conquer the universe. She and I would often walk through the woods and talk about all the things that connect us. She said that the most basic, the most human instinct, is to create. To leave behind some sort of legacy.

For some of us that are our children, for others, it might be art, but we all chase something that is bigger than any of us. It’s something that is always just out of reach, no matter how hard we try. She dreamed of becoming the ruler of a faraway country I had never heard of. Not because of the power it would bring her, but because of the lives it would allow her to change. She told me that it was her destiny. That she was destined to do this one thing, and if she did, then all the pain and suffering would be worth it. At the time I was thought she was foolish and arrogant to believe this. I thought she was chasing glory, but she was just looking for a purpose.

I once traveled to this faraway country and it had been torn apart by war and diseases. If she had been their queen perhaps they would have fared better. Perhaps she could have really made this world a better place if only others had believed in her too.

Day 1

The story I must tell is long and difficult and I don’t really know how and where to start. In truth, I don’t even know why I decided to do this in the first place, but I guess it feels like I know something that needs to be shared with the rest of the world. Maybe that makes me arrogant, I truly do not know. I’m worried that this might all be for naught anyway. Who is going to read my story in this digital age?

Anyway, I guess I’ll just start at the beginning. I was a young boy forced to become a man too quickly. My parents were taken from me by forces which I did not understand, and my sister was taken too. I was left to wander this dark and desolate world all by myself.

There was always another monster in the closet, a demon hiding under my bed. Most of my time was wasted being scared of everything and everyone. Let the dawn come quickly to chase away these dark days that haunt me. I'm sorry to say that very little has changed in the past sixty years. I'm still scared.

The things that shape us, define us, they always stay with us. It wasn't just loss and grief that defined me though. It was a betrayal. That’s why I’m talking to you instead. I hope that you can learn something from all of this. That this will somehow matter in the end.

I mentioned before that my parents and sister were taken from me, but that isn't entirely accurate. They weren't taken. They were completely erased from existence like they never existed in the first place. At first, I thought I was going insane, but over time I realized everybody else was going crazy.

No amount of evidence could convince stoic police officers to believe my story, to accept that there might be more than the eye can see. I became the village idiot, mocked by those I had called my friends. Soon the people who had disappeared became a distant memory. Until one day fate struck again and it was me who disappeared.